Hannah at Hogwarts
by icefire-lioness
Summary: Hannah gets a birthday present from me. She is getting a chance to live the dream. But things are going to go VERY wrong, VERY quickly. Because, honestly, what does Hannah know about magic? And what does she know about love? There may be a sequel.


_AN: _

_Hannah is my best friend. She warned me that there was a very good chance she would decapitate me if I did not write a story about her at Hogwarts. _

_This will NOT be a Mary Sue. _

_I will not allow it._

_In fact, warn me if it ever starts getting too close to a Mary Sue._

_I once read one and promised myself that I would commit suicide if anyone ever let me write one myself._

_You have been warned._

_Oh, and just so you know, the first chapter (and possibly the second) she won't be at Hogwarts. _

_The first two are more to introduce you to us, and to get her there._

_Hope this doesn't immediately send me to the depths of hell. _

_Now, read on...  
_

"I know I'm a witch, really. Can the letters get lost d'you think?"

Alex rolled her eyes and Meagan let out an exasperated sigh (even though, if you had asked her, she would have had absolutely no idea what 'exasperated' meant).

I sat with my hands in my lap, a smile growing slowly on my face as I realise, finally, what I can get her for her birthday.

It would be difficult, but I knew it would be worth it.

I would have killed to have another go, but I knew the rules.

Only once.

Hannah punched me in the arm and I glared at her.

Maybe I won't give it to her after all.

"What are you smiling about, dick-muncher?"

I raised an eyebrow and she looked at me with narrowed eyes.

She breaks first, grinning at me and punching me on the arm.

"Come on, what is it?

I shook my head, my lips tight. This is going to be a surprise.

"Oh, on a completely related topic, it's my birthday next week! What are all you losers getting me?"

Alex rolled her eyes again and said slowly, as though speaking to a small child, "I've already told you, it's a surprise. I'm not telling you until your birthday. Alright? Ask Meagan, she has no self control."

Hannah snorted in contempt and turned to Meagan.

"Well brackets, what are you getting me?"

Meagan scrunched her nose up at the name and said mournfully, "I dunno. You're really hard to get presents for. Can I get you; um…Can I get you something to do with Irish dancing or something?"

Hannah shook her head vigorously, her blonde hair flicking me painfully in the face.

I let out a squeal of protest and she stared condescendingly at me.

"What are you moaning about now?"

"That _hurt_ you evil toad. You've made sure I can't see out of my left eye forever now."

She crossed her arms and retorted, "Well, yesterday you made certain that I can't have children. I think_ that_ is a little worse than being blind in one eye. At least you can see out of one eye, I can't have babies because I only have one…"

"Stop! I'm already scarred enough!"

"How'd you make sure she couldn't have kids?" asked Meagan curiously.

Alex sighed and covered her face with her hands.

"We went rock-climbing." I said, sure that this will be enough information for anyone with half a brain.

Apparently not.

"So?"

I sighed, very nearly passing out from the stupidity that surrounded me.

"The harness, too tight, I left her hanging. Get the picture?"

She looked confused, trying to work it out.

"I'm not saying any more." I warn her, sitting back in my chair.

Finally she has a breakthrough and her face clears.

"Ohhh! I get it! You meant that she…"

I interrupt before she can destroy my fragile mental state any more.

"Yes, Ok, that's all folks, nothing to see here."

We stayed silent for a moment and then I moaned, "Ow, my eye really hurts!" mainly to stop the silence, but also because it did, actually, hurt.

Hannah stuck out her lower lip and said sarcastically, "Awww, want me to kiss it better?"

"No thankyou. I don't particularly want your rabies."

"Oh, ha, ha." said she.

"One to Maja!" I yelled triumphantly.

"Whatever. I'm still the most gorgeous person on the planet."

"Most up yourself." I muttered.

"You love me anyway." She said, stretching her arms out and 'accidentally' hitting me around the face.

I looked at her disgustedly, rubbing my nose, and say brilliantly, "Not."

"One to me! Hannah rules the world!" She yelled, punching me in the arm.

I punched her in the leg and she gasped in mock disbelief, then we started poking each other.

Meagan and Alex shook their heads, pretending to be the mature ones.

Although Alex would say she is not _pretending_ to be the mature one, she just _is_.

Absolutely not true. I can assure you.

Meagan then ruined this 'maturity' by telling us all a joke about "Tommy going to the pool."

Suffice it to say, the crudest form of toilet humour, an already crude form of humour.

As we are all laughing madly (because we can, you know), Sophie comes into the room, and plops down in the chair, looking at us all as though we are insane.

Which we are, but still.

Hannah and I continue a conversation that we had been having the day before…and the day before that and about a week ago, about who we are going to marry, as though the conversation had never been interrupted by lengthy amounts of time.

Hannah's idea of a happy married life is marrying five different men over twenty years (they have plastic surgery so they still look hot, _obviously_) and divorcing all the others.

Just so she can have a piece of all of them, you see.

Not that I am like this.

Don't get me wrong, I can definitely appreciate a good looking guy.

I just have no intention of getting married, and if I did, not more than once.

Personally, the whole 'til death do us part' thing kind of freaks me out.

I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same sense of impending doom when they hear that, but, uh.

Well, I'm not going to bore you with my views on marriage, so let's just get on with the story, shall we?

Right.

So we finished up that particular conversation after I told Hannah she was a loser.

She reacted by continually hitting me over the head with a banana. Not particularly mature, but it gets a reaction.

After the banana attack, she sat down next to Meagan on the floor and they proceeded to crack up about absolutely nothing.

Well, I thought it was nothing.

And then they 'surreptitiously' glanced over at me.

(Oh yes guys, I can't see you. No, not at all. Sarcasm, note, you should.)

It all became quite clear after that.

It was, yet again, an immature joke made at my expense.

I pretended not to notice what they were doing, as I always do.

Alex glared at them, knowing full well what they were up to, as she always does.

Sophie shook her head and continued to eat her lunch, as _she _always does, and Meagan and Hannah, as usual, had no idea that anyone knew what they were doing.

And they whispered and giggled behind their hands, as they always do, at their brilliant joke.

Bloody hilarious.

They were going to ignore me, not talk to me, the entire bit, and pretend they didn't know what I was going on about when I told them to grow up.

Hugely mature, and clearly nothing they had _ever_ done before.

I glanced over at Hannah and she glowered at me, obviously forgetting her new rule.

Meagan punched her Not Very Softly, and Hannah, holding her arm, whispered venomously "alright, alright, I'll stop! Jeez. Some people."

I shook my head and turn around to talk to Bronte, who has just entered the room, looking lost.

"You right there, darling?" I ask, raising my eyebrow mock seductively when she pats me on the head absent mindedly, still looking lost in thought.

She is my 'fiancée' just so you know.

And as this is a bit of a running joke with us, you might want to know that for future reference, so as you don't get scarred for life at the comments we may make.

"Madge, what are you getting Hannah the poo for her birthday?"

Asks Meagan, becoming bored with the same old routine.

Hannah shakes her head and hits her none too softly around the back of the head.

"I'm not telling you." I say.

"You'll just steal my idea."

Not that she could.

She would have absolutely no idea how to go about it.

I just want to keep it a secret, and if I tell Meagan, there is a very high chance that Hannah will know in the next .25 seconds.

She grunts in disapproval and turns back to Hannah.

Then she appears to find some kind of inspiration and turns back around, singing loudly.

"Madge the Fadge, Madge the Fadge, I don't wanna talk to you!"

Sings Meagan, and, apparently finding this tremendously amusing, starts cackling, rolled up into a little ball.

I think this is so that her stomach doesn't fall out.

Or something along those lines, anyway.

Not tremendously amusing to me, but hey, I'm old fashioned!

"Friday today." Observes Bronte, still looking vague.

"Mmm. Thank the lord and all his geese."

Bronte looks at me strangely and I shrug.

"What?"

"You are so lucky I'm as weird as you are, Maja." She says, her mouth twisted into a small smile.

"Oh? And why would that be, may I ask?"

Bronte just rolls her eyes and starts playing with my hair.

"Bouncy, bouncy curls!" she exclaims suddenly, sticking the offending curls into my ear.

"Introducing the incredible bouncing hypocrite."

"Heh?"

"You say _I'm_ weird!"

"Oh, right." She says, looking sheepish.

I shake my head and motion for her to sit down.

She does so and the conversation turns, for some strange reason, to Harry Potter.

Strange because we hardly ever have conversations about Harry Potter.

No, I mean it.

Ok, no I don't.

It's extremely sad.

"I wish I could live there…" Hannah says softly, and I grin.

"What?" she's glaring at me again.

"_Nothing_! Man, you have problems."

She narrows her eyes at me and I look back at her innocently.

Eventually she gives up, but, rather than acting as though she has, she snarls, "You'd better tell me some day…or you'll regret it!"

"Ohhh, look at me! I'm shaking in my little space boots!"

"What?"

"Never_ mind_. Honestly. You are so incredibly thick."

Hannah ignores this last comment and rolls onto her back, looking up at the ceiling.

We sit there in silence for a few more moments and then the bell rings.

We all groan the usual obligatory groan and then walk out, down to our next class.

Such a long day.

I catch up to Hannah at the end of my last class and punch her on the arm.

"Wanna come and stay over on Saturday night? I'm going to be really bored otherwise. I don't really have anything to do."

She looks as though she is thinking for much longer than necessary and then pushes me into a locker.

"Fine. I'll ask mum tonight. Actually, call me tonight. But Madge, I'll have to come over at about five, cos of dancing."

"I'm not completely without a brain Hannah. I do realise that you do dancing _every_ Saturday. Honestly, you'd think I never listened to you ramble on about it."

I shake my head and start turning my lock to get to my bag.

Hannah pushes in next to me and starts undoing her lock as well.

Hers takes a much shorter amount of time and she has her locker open before I do.

After stuffing our books into our bags, we swing them onto our backs.

Hannah waits until I have taken my lock out of the way and then slams the door of my locker shut.

She does this every day, but it still makes me flinch.

It's so bloody loud.

When we have gotten to the bus, I sit down; making sure Hannah can sit down before her brother sits next to me.

Every time he sits next to me, I get off the bus with more bruises on my legs than I thought was physically possible.

My thighs are now actually a permanent yellowish-purple colour.

Not a good look, really.

Thankfully he only manages to get a seat two down from us.

This means he is not within poking, prodding, pounding distance.

He is, I can assure you, a much better person when there is no chance that he can punch you in various parts of your anatomy for a whole bus ride.

Finally the bus stops and we wait impatiently for people to move so we can get off.

Ashleigh waits with her sister until we get off the bus, and then asks me if I'm going to walk with her today.

I shake my head no, as I want to get food (_what_ a surprise!) and Hannah and I walk across the road, yelling goodbye over our shoulders to them.

We walk up to the hospital door where her mum works and go through to the elevators.

As Hannah walks me to the door on the other side a few minutes later, I burst out;

"God, you're going to love me on Saturday!"

"I doubt it." she says dryly, but she's smiling anyway.

"Why am I going to love you?"

"Oh, I can't tell you…but, oh, you're going to love it!"

I hug myself tightly at my own brilliance and leave her standing, bemused, at the door.

"Call me tonight nimrod!" she yells after me after a moment.

I wave over my shoulder at her and walk down to my bus stop.

I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.


End file.
